Road Trip
by Demon Lord Satan
Summary: The Italian siblings somehow end up in London and run into our favorite puzzle-solving gentleman and his apprentice and enemy. Total chaos ensues. T for language. OC inclusion.


_Warning: Randomness, insanity, and probably some OOCness ahead. Read at your own risk._

* * *

"Goddamnit, fratello!" Romano exploded at his younger brother, who was driving. "How fucking long it this gonna take, huh?"

"It shouldn't be much longer! I think… Ve," Veneziano nervously replied. They were actually supposed to reach their destination a few hours ago, but he might've made a wrong turn or two…

"We're lost, aren't we?" their little sister Sicily sighed.

"M-maybe…" North Italy admitted. "We could stop and ask for directions?"

"NOW you think of that," Romano groaned. "We probably passed the place hours ago and nobody around here will have a fucking clue what we're talking about and-"

"I think asking for directions is an excellent idea," Sicily interrupted, unfazed by her older brother's irritated glare.

"Ve! That guy looks friendly! Let's see if he can help!"

"He looks like he's a little busy right now…"

=^w^=

"Hm… This appears to be the address the letter directed us towards… But there doesn't seem to be anyone here. How odd," Professor Layton noted.

"P-professor!" Luke's strangled yelp made Layton spin around. He was shocked to see his apprentice in the clutches of his enemy.

"How kind of you to turn up, Layton," Descole smirked.

"Descole… What are you after?" Layton was concerned for Luke's safety.

"Isn't it obvious? You have something I want, so you're not getting the little brat back until you hand it over."

"I'm afraid I don't follow-"

"Don't play dumb, Layton!" Descole growled.

Layton wished his assistant, Emmy, was there. She would be able to help, but he alone didn't have many options in this situation. He didn't know what Descole wanted, but he had to save the boy…

"VE~! Excuse me! Can you help us, per favore?"

All three heads turned towards the unfamiliar, Italian-accented voice. An auburn-haired man, appearing to be about twenty, was waving frantically at them, with two other people that strongly resembled him—siblings?—beside him. Although he seemed both friendly and totally oblivious to the fact that he was interrupting something, the man with brown hair who might've been his older brother scowled fiercely in their direction, and the younger lady with them seemed...suspicious. At least one of them appeared to have noticed that something was going on.

The one who spoke first continued, "Can you tell us where we are? We were on our way to visit a friend in Madrid, but I think I made a wrong turn somewhere…"

"Would that be Spain?" Layton inquired, wondering how they could have possibly ended up in London if they were in fact going to Spain. He was puzzled when the trio flinched visibly, and even more so when he caught a mumbled but quickly shushed, "How does he-"

"Calm down, I'm sure he meant the place! After all, Madrid is the capital…" The female was probably trying to remain quiet, but she seemed a little caught off-guard, and her voice carried.

It would appear that there was something odd about these three. They thought he knew something he shouldn't. Part of a secret organization that used country names as code names, perhaps? Their uniforms, matching despite one being blue, another being brown and the last being gray, would support that theory. Layton hazarded a guess, "Would you, by any chance, call yourself… Italy?"

 _CLANG!_

Luke gasped as his mentor went down. He hadn't even seen it coming. The professor's apprentice and archenemy soon followed suit, however.

"How could he have possibly known?" the younger brother fretted as he stared at the unconscious men and boy. "We didn't even say anything!"

"Only one way to find out," the older replied.

=^w^=

The first thing Professor Layton noticed when he awoke was that Luke was screaming.

The second was the reason why.

He was thrown to the side as the car swerved. Descole shoved him away with a tortured expression, although only moments later he was clinging to his archenemy in terror and screaming, his voice reaching an octave usually reserved for little girls, "WHO TAUGHT THESE PEOPLE TO DRIVE?!"

"Calm down!" Layton urged. "I doubt these people would actually try to kill us with their atrocious driving while they're also in the car." He comfortingly patted the shoulder of the apprentice sitting next to him in the back seat. Although he wouldn't say it out loud, he, too, feared for his life—the blue-uniformed Italian appeared to be driving with his eyes closed.

"Oh, good, you're finally awake," the female Italian observed from the seat in front of them, turning to watch. "Now tell me… How did you know about us?"

"Pardon?"

"My brother up there, annoyingly cheerful, wearing blue, driving…" She gestured towards the front seat. "He's Italy. The grumpy one in brown that's always swearing is Romano. And I'm Sicily. Now how. Did. You. Know?!"

"It was only a theory. When I asked if you were going to Spain, you reacted as if you thought I was referring to something other than the country and I shouldn't have known," Layton explained.

"You mean I'm risking my life in here because you had a theory?" Descole's voice was still a couple octaves higher than normal. "I knew there was a reason I hated you!"

"Sicily" seemed satisfied by Layton's explanation, however, and turned to face her brothers, commenting, "They don't know anything about the personifications. We're wasting our time."

"Personifications? Professor, what does she mean by that?" Luke wondered, so puzzled he had forgotten to be scared.

"I don't know, my boy," Layton admitted.

"Well, fratello? What do we-" Sicily broke off with a sudden squeal and stared out the window. "FOLLOW THAT CAT!"

"What the fuck, sorella?" Romano yelled.

"The… Car… That pink convertible! There's a cat driving! Follow it!"

"That's preposterous! Cat's can't drive!" Layton objected.

"Maybe this one can, Professor!" Luke chimed in, pressing his face to the window in an attempt to see before shrieking as they made a sharp turn.

Four of the six people in the car already knew this was going to end terribly. Unfortunately for them, the other two were very keen to catch up to the cat that was supposedly driving a car.

"It's getting away!" Italy wailed.

"It went that way! Hurry!"

"It's going into the forest!"

"What? There isn't a forest in the middle of London!"

"Well, there's one right fucking there!"

"Layton, this is all your fault!"

=^w^=

Five near-death experiences later, they were lost in the middle of a forest. Romano was loudly swearing about everything, Italy and Sicily were disappointed that they lost the cat, Descole was shaking silently, and Luke looked like he was going to be sick. Professor Layton wisely suggested that they stop for a while and get some fresh air. No one was opposed to this idea.

Descole, greatly relieved to finally be out of the car, stared at it in fascination. Although from the inside, the ceiling was as high as the Laytonmobile's and the car was long enough to contain three rows of seats, from the outside, it appeared to be a normal-sized vehicle.

"It's bigger on the inside…" As a scientist, he was intrigued. "How is that possible?"

"Oh, we just stole some Time Lord technology!" Italy chirped.

Descole made a mental note to research this… "Time Lord technology". It could be very useful for some of his plans.

"PROFESSOR!"

"What is it, Luke?" Layton quickly responded.

"A house just appeared out of nowhere!" Luke exclaimed, pointing. He looked like he had just seen a ghost.

"Let's go take a look at this house, then, shall we?" Layton calmly proposed.

Everyone, curious about this house in the middle of nowhere, followed his lead, although they were unsettled by the state of the seemingly-abandoned house and became even more unnerved when the door creaked open to admit them, revealing… A cat.

"Oh! Isn't that the cat from earlier?" Italy smiled. "C'mere, kitty~!"

"Hello, Miss Kitty!" Luke chimed in. "Is this where you live?"

The dainty calico sniffed disdainfully and gave them a withering look.

 _Hmph. At least the boy has some manners, but my name is Maria Elizabeth Alexandra III. Not Miss Kitty._

Romano emitted a very unmanly squeak and asked the question everyone was thinking. "Is that thing… fucking talking?!"

The cat appeared to be smug. _I'm certain you've heard of telepathy._

Layton and Descole exchanged a look that clearly said "someone is messing with us right now."

"Okay, cat," Descole demanded, "why don't you tell us where we are?"

 _My name is Maria Elizabeth Alexandra III and you will-_

"Yes, we get it, you've got a long, fancy name that nobody cares about!"

 _In that case, I don't care what you have to ask._ Maria flicked her tail. _I might come back when you're willing to be civil. Until then, there's tea on the table. Help yourself._

And with that, the cat disappeared. Didn't run away, just disappeared into thin air.

"Professor, I think someone's messing with us right now!" Luke announced.

=^w^=

Meanwhile, far from this little scene, the author ran her fingers through her short, blond hair and muttered, "Dang it, I think they're on to me…"

=^w^=

The Italian siblings, not very fond of tea (they preferred coffee), decided to take a look around instead. Descole discreetly followed them, hoping they would reveal something of value to him, because they clearly weren't normal people. Even if they wouldn't tell him anything, perhaps he could use them, the girl in particular, to get what he wanted from his nemesis. Layton was always such a gentleman, and having a hostage or three would make him easy to manipulate.

"AHHHH! There's a mouse!" Italy suddenly screamed, and he and his sibling panicked and bolted in different directions.

Descole's dark cape must have helped him blend into the dimly-lit room, because a short Italian ran directly into him.

She grunted as she stumbled back, looking up to see what she ran into, and froze before she turned bright red and started talking a million miles a minute. "It's not like I'm scared of mice or anything, I was just startled, and fratello screamed, and it's dark, and…" Sicily trailed off, mumbling in Italian. "Um. Ciao."

Descole stared at her blankly, trying to formulate a response.

"... I have a fairy."

 _A fairy? Fairies don't exist…_ "I have robots," he replied, thoroughly confused.

"Want to trade?"

"No." _She can't possibly be serious._

"Please?" she begged.

"No." He was not budging on this.

"Fine. I'll make my own robots," she pouted as she turned away.

"You can't just make robots-"

"You're not my mama! Don't tell me what I can't do!"

Descole was left wondering, _what the heck just happened here?_

=^w^=

Professor Layton, of course, was never one to turn down an offer of tea, even if nobody else was having any. Luke accompanied him, but he scribbled in his notebook as his mentor sipped tea. A few minutes later, Descole walked in. Something seemed different about him, but neither Layton nor Luke was sure what. Layton had something else on his mind, anyway.

"Jean, I have something to tell you," Layton stated.

"What is it, Layton? And why are you calling me that?" Descole had a feeling that what Layton was going to say wasn't the thing he wanted to hear…

"I love you, Jean Descole!"

"Wha-?! Professor?!" Luke stared at his mentor like he had grown another head.

"What?! I tried to kill you, remember?!" Descole wasn't sure what he had expected, but it wasn't this.

"A true gentleman doesn't hold that against someone. Besides, that was one time," Layton dismissed.

"It was twice, Layton!"

"That doesn't matter anymore. I forgive you." Layton stared into Descole's brown eyes, so like the eyes Layton himself would probably have if the artists actually gave him proper eyes instead of just dots…

At this point, Descole realized what was missing, swore loudly, and practically flew out of the room.

With the other man gone, the professor came to his senses. His now-possibly-mentally-scarred apprentice worriedly asked, "Professor, what…?"

Layton wouldn't say a word, but he looked very suspiciously at his cup of tea and refused to take another sip.

=^w^=

"How about… This?"

"You look silly, sorella!" Italy giggled.

Even Romano snickered a little.

"Hmph! You guys have no sense of fashion!" Sicily pouted. "I happen to like these!"

"Which is why you stole them, I suppose?" Romano asked sarcastically.

"Well… Partly." Sicily struck another pose. "That, and he was being-" She broke off as the "he" in question appeared, looking quite irritated. She waved at Descole and chirped, "I guess you'll be wanting your mask and boa back now…? You'd better come get them, then!"

Descole pulled his sword out of nowhere, and Sicily went as pale as his mask, which was still on her face.

Italy and Romano had wisely disappeared.

Sicily mumbled, "That was a bad idea, wasn't it…?" And then she was running for her life.

She was quickly reminded why it's not a good idea to run in a poorly-lit space, and why it's an especially bad idea to check if you're being followed, when she tripped.

Fortunately for her, Descole was very distracted by the pink blur that was suddenly flying in circles around his head. When it finally slowed enough that he could get a good look at it, he realized that it was… Well, it could only be called a fairy.

"Hi! I'm Fia!" said fairy announced. "You know, Descole, you act all mean and stuff but you really love that Layton guy, don't you? I SHIP IT!"

"What?!" What the heck was this thing and why was it "shipping" him with his archenemy?! And did she have something to do with his...odd behavior earlier?

"It's okay, your secret is safe with me! Just like how Sicily's secretly-"

"How about we call a temporary truce to kill the fairy?" Sicily interrupted.

"Hand those over first and it's a deal," Descole agreed.

=^w^=

"Do you think sorella will be okay?" Italy worried.

"She'll be fine… Probably," Romano muttered.

"Probably?"

"Well… She won't die. But mask bastard looked pretty pissed," the older Italian commented.

"Do you think we should go back and help…?"

"Hell no. You saw that sword. We've got nothing. What we should do is get the fuck out before more crazy stuff happens." As he spoke, they found their way back to the first room they entered and made their way to the front door and freedom.

… Or not. When they opened the door that had come from the outside, they found nothing but a broom closet.

"Well, shit."

=^w^=

The problem with trying to kill a fairy is that they're so small and agile, they're very difficult to hit. Fia dodged everything and sang, "Hey Dessy~ Sicily loves you!"

"COULD YOU NOT SHIP ME WITH A LITTLE GIRL?!" Descole had learned more about "shipping" in the past few minutes than he had ever wanted to know, seeing as this insane little creature insisted on pairing everyone with everyone else.

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING LITTLE?! I'LL BREAK OFF YOUR FEET AND STICK THEM ON TOP OF YOUR HEAD!" Sicily screeched.

"I'd like to see you try!" the scientist shouted back. "You're, what, eighteen, and still a hobbit?!"

Fia wiped a single tear from her check, declaring, "You two already fight like a married couple!"

"Shut up!" At least there was one thing they agreed on.

=^w^=

In a room far, far away, or more accurately the next room over, Italy and Romano were trying to convince Professor Layton to help them find a way out.

"In a moment… This book is fascinating," he protested.

"Professor, there'll be a puzzle!" Luke chimed in.

That got Layton's attention. "Puzzle?" he asked, a sparkle in his eye.

"What the hell are we going to do anyway?! We might as well just burn the place down," Romano proposed.

"Every puzzle has an answer… And burning down people's houses isn't the answer." The answer to everything, of course, was 42, but that didn't seem like it would be very helpful in this situation.

"Too fucking bad. This place should burn."

"Romano, that's arson. That could get you arrested."

"Then I'll burn down the fucking jail, dammit!"

=^w^=

This was the point where the author decided the swearing was getting a little overboard.

"Hm… What to do, what to do… _That_ , perhaps?"

=^w^=

"Don't tell me what I can't do! I do whatever the _pink_ I want to, you hear me?!" Romano yelled. He noticed he was getting strange looks and became even more infuriated. "Why the _blue_ are you looking me like that, you _purple green yellow_?!"

"That's very… Colorful language you're using," Layton observed.

"And you can shut the _chartreuse_ up about my language!" Romano fumed.

"Professor, what's this?" Luke asked as he fiddled with a colored cube that he had found as Romano started cursing with colors.

Descole answered before Layton could, "Ah, my old enemy… The Rubik's cube. Give me that!" He snatched the object away. "You'll see who's boss this time…!"

"I thought the professor was your enemy?"

"Shut up, a villain's allowed to have more than one enemy!"

" _Turquoise_ idiot," the still-annoyed Italian grumbled.

=^w^=

Far from the author, her inspiration for this fiction was laughing her head off and coughing at the same time. "TURQUOISE CRUD BAD THROAT!" she screeched, chugging a water bottle.

The author popped up behind said "inspiration". "I could just kill you now and end your suffering," she offered with a smirk. "Or, you know. I could just keep laughing at your pain."

Her inspiration screeched at her—sorta like how you would screech at your OTP when they do something cute—and fixed her glasses. "NU."

"Hm, fine. I guess I'll just get back to torturing these characters now," the author sighed.

"I gotta go tend to that as well-" she mumbled, giggling evilly at a roleplay she was doing.

=^w^=

Ten minutes later, Descole scowled, "I just can't get it..." Every time he thought he was getting there, he somehow ended up even further from success.

Layton, watching with amusement, suggested, "Descole, just turn it anticlockwise."

"What the heck does anticlockwise even mean?!"

"It means the same as counterclockwise-"

"Then just say counterclockwise!" Descole snapped.

"Are you two still playing with that thing? It's just a stupid colored cube," Romano interjected.

"YOU'RE A STUPID COLORED CUBE!" Descole and Layton retorted in unison.

"I SHIP IT!" Fia screeched. As usual, nobody knew what she was talking about, but Descole had the feeling that it involved him and he did not like it.

=^w^=

Luke squinted at the paper that Fia had given him. He seemed to have lost the ability to read. "This is ridiculous… I think I need a tutor…"

Fia landed on his shoulder. "Luke, I know you can't read."

 _She's a witch! Burn her!_ Luke flinched and denied it, insisting, "Yes, I can read!"

"What does this piece of paper say them?" the fairy asked.

"It's a… training regimen," Luke guessed.

"Nice try, but this is my Desily fanfiction! Romano and Descole have the training regimen~"

Fia may have gotten the two pages mixed up herself. Romano was suddenly speaking Latin, apparently attempting to perform an exorcism on the fanfiction, which was on the floor inside a pentagram with strange symbols inside the circle, and Descole was… Well, he looked dead. Italy cautiously poked the masked man with a stick, but there was no response.

Professor Layton took a look at the fanfiction and grimaced, lowering the brim of his top hat over his eyes, "Even he did not deserve to die like this." Sicily tried to peek at the offending paper over his shoulder but failed because she's a midget.

"Well, I'm not going to miss him! He blackmailed my father!" Luke objected.

Descole suddenly sat bolt upright and deadpanned, "No, Luke, I am your father."

Luke screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! It can't be true!"

"Of course it's not true. I only ever had one daughter," Descole scoffed.

An awkward moment of silence ensued, then Luke opened his mouth indignantly before being cut off by a sudden "HOI! I'm Temmie!" A cat… dog… thing had appeared and was looking at them expectantly. "You should meet my friend Temmie!" it continued.

A longer, more awkward silence began, as everyone stared at the Temmie and it slowly disappeared.

"Ve~ I'm suddenly filled with determination to get out of here!" Italy announced. "And make spaghetti~!"

"I think we're gonna have a bad time," Romano muttered.

=^w^=

"Hey Dessy!" Fia chirped.

"It's Descole," the scientist corrected.

"Dessy," the fairy insisted.

"Descole."

"Dessy."

"Descole."

"Descole!"

"Dessy."

"Descole!"

"It's Dessy-" Descole realized he'd been tricked and broke off, but it was already too late.

"Okay, Dessy it is!" Fia giggled.

"Dessy" groaned inwardly as he snapped, "What is it this time?"

"Who do you think is the cutest?" the shipping fairy smiled innocently, even though she was anything but innocent, as she had already proved.

"No one!" he glared.

"Oh~? Not even Sicily?"

"I don't wanna be cute, I wanna be a boy!" Sicily objected under her breath, not that anyone was paying her any attention.

"Why won't you just drop this already?" To say Descole was unamused would be an understatement.

"DesLay or Desily~ Take your pick~" Of course, she would continue shipping both pairings, along with every other possible (or impossible) pairing, no matter what.

"Neither!"

"Desita?"

"No."

"Desmano?"

"I'm going to kill you."

"Des-" Fia squeaked in alarm and dodged the still-unsolved Rubik's cube that flew at her. "That's not very nice!"

"Your face isn't very nice."

"At least I don't wear a mask all the time!"

"Below the belt, Fia," Descole hissed. He was going to murder that fairy.

=^w^=

Luke was getting antsy due to being stuck in this strange place, so he did what any sensible ten-year-old boy would; he wandered around looking for anything that interested him. He walked into a room that had a pink stuffed bunny and an angry-looking teddy bear… But everything was covered in rose petals. He walked right back out. He wasn't gonna have any of that weird romance anime stuff happen. He almost grabbed the teddy bear—he had a soft spot for those—but he heard a voice.

"Welcome, poor man, to our world of…. Craaaaaap! I forgot the line!"

He ran.

He ran almost directly into an Italian carrying a bowl of pasta.

"Ve~ Want some pasta?" Italy offered, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the boy nearly ran right into him.

"Where did you get that?" Luke wondered.

"I made it with my magical pasta powers~!"

"Magical… pasta… powers?"

"I'm the box of tomatoes fairy!"

"That's…. Interesting…" Luke couldn't help but wonder if this person wasn't completely sane.

=^w^=

"When I take over, shipping fairies aren't going to be tolerated," Descole complained. He was, of course, angry because Fia had escaped before he killed her. Again.

"What are you, _magenta_ stupid? You can't take over the world!" Romano objected.

"Why do you say you're taking over?" Italy asked.

"That's a stupid question, Italy. I say it because it's true, and when I'm king of the world there will be changes… THAT DAY! ALL FEMALES WILL BE REQUIRED TO WEAR...TINY MINISKIRTS!" Descole proclaimed.

"VEE I'LL FOLLOW YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE DESCOLE~~!" Italy immediately offered.

Romano grumbled, "You can't follow someone just because they have one… really _cerulean_ good idea… _Fuchsia_."

Descole smirked triumphantly. Two for him.

"A gentleman would not-" Layton began.

"Shut it, Layton," Descole scowled. When his archenemy's apprentice opened his mouth as if to argue, he added, "Not a word out of you, either."

Sicily was slowly nodding, "There's someone I wouldn't mind seeing in a miniskirt…"

"I cannot allow-"

"You're outnumbered, Layton!"

"Are you ever-"

"Going to let you finish your sentence? No."

"But why-"

"Won't I let you finish your sentences? Because you're annoying."

"Professor, why is he finishing your sentences?" Luke was confused.

"Oh my god, Luke, you can't just-"

"Ask people why they finish other people's sentences!" Descole finished.

 _If you're quite finished…_

The cat from earlier had reappeared. Romano, having completely forgotten about it, let out a girlish scream.

 _We have decided… You are not the droids we're looking for. You may go._

"What-"

=^w^=

… And then they were back in the car. Which was moving. Layton, Descole, and Luke were in the back seat as they had been initially. They looked at each other in confusion.

"Wait a minute," Layton eventually broke the silence, staring at Descole. "If you're here… And I'm here… Who's flying this plane?"

"...What?"

"What?"

"Let's talk outside," Descole suggested.

"I'm not going out there without a parachute!" Layton argued.

"What is wrong with you?!"

"I don't know!" Layton admitted.

Meanwhile, in the front seat…

"Fratello, what are you doing, you nark?!"

"Don't call me a nark, Roma!"

"That's what you are! Nark! Little narky nark!"

"I'm not a nark!"

"You're a fucking nark if I say you are!"

As the brothers bickered, neither of them watching the road, Sicily calmly interjected, "Truck."

All eyes snapped to the truck heading straight for them, and everyone screamed.

=^w^=

"Did you do something illegal?! Are they dead yet? Or do we need to shove them all off a cliff~?" the author's inspiration mumbled, poking the said characters with a stick, "I got some sparky sparky boom man I need to summon with this stick!"

The author snickered, "Don't be silly, of course they're not dead! These three-" she gestured at the Italian personifications- "They can't die. Probably. I think. And these guys-" now she indicated Descole and Layton- "They have the habit of not dying when they should. Perhaps I should fix that sometime..."

"Don't you dare!" her inspiration snapped, standing up, "THIS CRACK FICTION COST YOU AN ARM AND A LEG, SOMEONE'S ENTIRE BODY, A GIRL AND HER DOG, AND THE SOULS OF THE INNOCENT!"

"The souls of the innocent were sacrificed for a good cause! Like that girl and her dog. And that guy that lost his entire body..."

"You're grounded."

"I do what I want, mother!"

"I will bury you like Hughes!"

"I suppose you're going to kill me by pretending to be my wife, hm? Or maybe I'll just die laughing at your stupidity."

"You already laugh at my stupidity! And WHEN WERE YOU EVEN MARRIED?!"

"Wouldn't you like to know~?" The author suddenly narrowed her eyes at the other. "Sparky sparky boom man? You're going to summon a 'sparky sparky boom man' with that stick? Really?"

"Wouldn't you like to know~" she grinned, silently tapping out something with the stick, "huue~"

Standing above the ridge was a white suited man. "Hello~ you rang~"

"MY SON! HELLO~! Okay, I'll stop, go blow up a village or something~"

Kimblee shrugged and walked away, "Fine by me~"

"You need to get your FMA obsession under control… Especially your obsession with him. And Greed," the author commented.

The inspiration hung her head in shame, "I'm sorry...but it shall never be quenched~"

The author rolled her eyes and muttered, "Whatever." Looking at the unconscious characters around them, she wondered aloud, "What should we do with them?"

"... Throw them over a cliff~? Over a waterfall? …. Tied to a log going over a waterfall~?"

"We're not killing them… Especially not this one," the author insisted, poking Descole with her foot.

"..kidnap them~?"

"I wouldn't be opposed to that~"

"We could make a profit and sell them to fangirls too!"

"Speaking of fangirls… Where did that fairy go…? Oh well, she doesn't matter."

"I think she went off eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream, sobbing over some pairing…"

"...You introduced her to ZelGreed, didn't you?"

"...MAYBE. IT WASN'T MY FAULT SHE ASKED FOR IT! AND I GAVE HER THE FEELS!"

"She deserves to suffer a little too~" the author grinned. Fia annoyed even her.

"She does~!" The inspiration grinned as well, cackling.

"She has a shipping problem… If she's going to ship literally every pairing, she needs to learn the other meaning of OTP… 'Oh the pain'."

"OTP means Only Tears and Pain-"

"That too… Oh. I think Luke's alive. Hey Luke, say hi to the readers!"

"What-"

Poor Luke didn't even get a chance to say more than one word before being whacked in the head with a frying pan.

"... Now how are we going to move them all? Screw it, this is too much trouble," the author complained. "Kidnapping people is too much effort…"

"...It really is-" the inspiration mumbled, yawning.

"We could just stick stuff to their backs and watch from afar-"

"...I brought Sharpies~!"

"I like the way you think!"

"DRAW ON THEIR FACES!"

"YES!"

"ONWARD!"

"FOR NARNIA!"

And so the face-decorating began.

Along with some mask decorating.

Needless to say, everyone ended up with Sharpie mustaches.

And some eyes drawn on their foreheads.

Descole got "KITKAT WAS HERE" scrawled across his forehead. He was not going to be happy when he found out.

Sicily got a "A LOSER WAS HERE OMG" on her own forehead.

The author stood back and admired their handiwork. "Now, what do you say we get lost before they wake up?"

The inspiration nodded, "Yeaa….good ide- hey look it's Fia~! ….her turn."

"Oh yes."

She grabbed the fairy and dragged her away as they left, humming, "We should totally force her to listen to 'It's a Small World' while we do this!"

"You're terrible. This is why we're friends," the author smirked.

* * *

 _A/N: If anyone was wondering, the "inspiration" is a friend of mine who suggested I write this and also gave me quite a few of the ideas for it. Oh, by the way, I obviously don't own Hetalia, or Professor Layton, or any of the other things I referenced. I only own my OCs Sicily and Fia, myself, and this… Whatever this thing is. I don't even know. I had way too much fun with this, though! Like, I don't even really care if no one else likes this, I'm just gonna read it sometimes and laugh so hard I end up crying myself to sleep. I don't even know what was going through my head when I wrote half of this…. BUT LOOK AT THAT WORD COUNT HOLY COW. This is, what, five times the length of my normal stuff? No regrets here XD (Oh, and by the way, Fia's opinions are not my own. I ship none of the pairings she was shipping. It was for comedy purposes only, although if you wish to ship something, I won't stop you! Heck, if you request any weird crack ship I'll probably do it.)_

 _Speaking of references… I challenge you to find as many of them as you can! Winner gets a virtual cookie~ or a fanfiction request. Or both. Or you can have a cookie or a fanfic request even if you don't win, because I always need a good excuse to write, and everyone deserves cookies! :D_

 _Incidentally, this was somewhat inspired by The Mocking J's fic, Randall's Road Trip. You should definitely go read it._

 _I actually wrote this back in… January? But I never posted it for reasons. But I just read it again and decided screw it, this is too hilarious to keep to myself. I hope someone at least found it mildly amusing! :D_

 _So anyway, have a great day, and ciao for now!_


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